September 17, 2023
A GOOD APOLOGY

Music References
1. From the album Teach Me to Walk in the Light.
2. From the album Heavensong.


A GOOD APOLOGY
The Spoken Word, September 17, 2023
By: Lloyd D. Newell

Here’s a question to think about: When was the last time you sincerely apologized? We all do things that hurt others, even if we don’t mean to. But we don’t always accept responsibility for the wrong we’ve done or try to make things right. That’s what it means to apologize.

A sincere apology can heal and soften hearts. It can ease pain and tension. It can bring people together. Apologizing is not easy, and it shouldn’t be—in fact, an empty, effortless apology can do more harm than good. A real apology requires soul-stretching effort, but the rewards can be immense: personal peace, growth, and healed relationships.

Randy Pausch, a well-loved computer science professor, died of cancer in 2008. In a book based on his last lecture before his passing, he wrote: “If you’ve done something wrong in your dealings with another person, it’s as if there’s an infection in your relationship. A good apology is like an antibiotic; a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound.”¹

Apologizing is far more than just saying the words “I’m sorry.” It includes a willingness to change. That’s part of what makes it so hard to do. But if we don’t apologize—if we don’t acknowledge our mistakes—then we don’t improve. An apology can be the first step to growing as a human being, or, we could say, a human becoming—becoming better and wiser, more compassionate, more sensitive to others.

Years ago, a man lost an election and developed unkind feelings for his opponent. The loss stung, and giving way to resentment and jealousy only made it hurt worse. It took many years, but finally he realized that he needed to escape from this cycle of self-inflicted pain. In other words, he needed to apologize. He wrote a sincere letter asking his former opponent to forgive him for harboring ill feelings for so long. Not only did he lift his own burden, but he also brought an unexpected blessing of gratitude to the recipient of his humble, heartfelt letter.

An apology may not fix or change everything, but it can change us. Life is definitely healthier with the antibiotic of a good apology.


References
1. Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow, The Last Lecture (2008), 161.